The Opinions of Those Who Really Shouldn't Matter...But Do

Normally I don't get terribly personal in this blog, but right now I'm interested in ranting, so enjoy.

I am a grad student in clinical psychology, Pete is a grad student (a couple of years ahead of me) in philosophy. Both of us are completely satisfied with our choices and look forward to our future as academics, even considering the anxiety of the "publish or perish" lifestyle and the uncertain economic futures we are both likely to face when it comes time to search for jobs. We feel that our chosen careers are meaningful and rewarding. Neither of us were ever very interested in the corporate working world or in making shitloads of money.

We have always been aware that some people don't value our lifestyle, or our eventual careers as worthwhile or useful. However some of these people are my own family members and frankly, it hurts my feelings. My stepfather, for example, believes that we are up here in New York just giggling our days away and doing nothing of any import, while delaying our eventual entrance into the workforce indefinitely. And once we become professors, he apparently believes that we will work up and until we get tenured (assuming such a thing happens for us!) and then enjoy the slacker lifestyle once again until we die.

This mindset bothers me because I do work hard for this. It's not playtime. I attend classes, run support group meetings, have clinical training, and do research. Although Pete has completed his classwork, he still must teach and work on completing his dissertation. We both believe wholeheartedly in our work as worthwhile endeavors and I, for one, don't appreciate being called lazy because I'm not a banker, lawyer, doctor, or entrepreneur. My stepfather never went to college, instead following his father straight into the citrus business. He has done well in business and makes good money. I don't begrudge him this but I hate his attitude that dictates that you must create something tangible or make plenty of money to be a contributor to society.

This shouldn't upset me, considering I haven't ever had a relationship with the man, even though he has been married to my mother since I was 10, but nevertheless it does. I feel misunderstood and degraded when I hear that he doesn't think we do anything useful and doesn't respect grad school as a worthwhile endeavor unless you can be guaranteed a large salary when you're through with it.

I am only in my second year of a 5-year program that often takes 6 years, so I obviously have a long way to go before I can even begin to prove myself. But why do I feel the need to prove myself to someone whose own lifestyle and values I don't agree with? I'm not sure if this bothers Pete, if it does he seems to let it roll off, but if his family felt this way about us and our futures I am sure I'd be upset by it.

In the end, I just want to do good research and be respected in my field. I think I will be respected by my colleagues but I wonder about my parents, and the rest of my family (who mostly have no idea what I'm up to these days). Does it matter? I don't know...I'd like to let this go and just live for myself and my own happiness. Intellectually I know I don't have anything to prove to anyone, but emotionally sometimes I still feel like a child, pining for approval.