My Sorry Attempts at a Healthy Lifestyle

As a kid I never gave too much thought to how incredibly unhealthy my lifestyle was. Once I was old enough to get out of mamma's house I immediately began a diet completely devoid of vegetables and fruits, dedicated my life to a schedule that included at least 10 hours of sleeping each night, and completely eschewed any form of intentional exercise. As a young college freshman I didn't have a car, so I actually did incorporate a fair bit of movement into my lifestyle in order to support my habits both of going anywhere off campus and attending dance clubs far too regularly. But, no gym-going, sports, or physical activities of any kind.

I was able to live this way because I was one of the lucky winners of the genetic lottery. I was one of those women who could eat whatever she wanted and continue to weigh in at around 100 pounds. My friends who had to diet were jealous, people who didn't know me well often assumed I had an eating disorder. The women in my family were fond of informing me that I would have to make changes because my metabolism would screech to a halt as soon as I turned 30. "Hah!" I scoffed, considering 30 to be far too old to even consider in my plans as an impulsive teenager. After all, 30 year old women are married and sexless and harried and frazzled because they have such things as mortgages, children, and old age right around the corner. I was 18, not even close. Couldn't even imagine being that old.

Now I'm past 30 and although I suffer from no mortgage, children, or impending old age, I have begun to notice that my body doesn't work the same way it did 10 years ago. It's a sad realization, actually. I am still quite thin, but no longer shaped the same, if you get what I mean. Gone are the mysteriously taut abs and inexplicably toned arms. I have begun to resemble one of those starving children that try to elicit our attention on TV ads for the Christian Children's Fund, skinny extremities and pot-belly bulging forth from fashionably low-slung jeans. I'm really only a year or two away from muffin tops all around if I continue in this fashion.

So...I have decided to embark upon a healthier lifestyle! This includes such things as eating more fruits & vegetables and fewer "foods" that are actually devoid of any nutrients but full of calories & fat. This part of the lifestyle change isn't that difficult because I enjoy cooking and different kinds of food, so cooking healthier options is actually kind of fun. Also, I was never the sort of person who ate emotionally or very often, so I don't have to deal with trying to force myself to not eat. I only have to change what I eat.

Now, the hard part. The moving. The getting my ass off the couch. The...the...(ugh)...exercise. Now I should start by mentioning that I've been regularly practicing yoga for several years. (Well, only regularly for the last year or so, but intermittently for long before.) But that's it. I don't lift weights and you certainly won't catch me on a stairmaster. I don't have the patience for the way time stretches to infinity when one is riding a stairmaster. You don't believe me? Try it. You set the timer for 20 minutes, and what feels like 2 days later you're still there, climbing, huffing & puffing, wishing you could just die...when you look down and you still have 12 minutes to go. No thanks.

So yesterday I went running, for the first time in ages. That was a mistake. Running, clearly, is for people who are in shape. Not weaklings such as myself. The whole episode lasted no longer than about 20 minutes but my lungs hurt, my legs hurt, and I felt like I a complete failure when I had to stop and walk about every 5 minutes. I don't want to give up but there must be a better way!

But I have to do something. I don't want to feel like my body just doesn't work right anymore. I want to feel strong and youthful again. Hell, as shallow as this is, I want to look strong & youthful again. I want to feel at home in my body, like I belong here. Not as if some invalid has moved in and set up shop. So, I need to find some way to do cardio that isn't horrible. Does such a thing exist? There are pros and cons to every option, I think. Running is easy, affordable, and I can do it on my own schedule. But it sucks. And here in New York I don't consider outdoor activity to be an option in the winter months. (I know you hardcore runners don't agree, but let's face it...you're all crazy.) Powersculpt and other cardio group classes at gyms are costly, run on someone else's schedule, and inconveniently located for the most part (as in, not in my living room) but more fun and more motivating than going it alone. Also, I run the very real risk of making a complete ass of myself in front of others when I fall out after the first 10 minutes with heart palpitations and dizzy spells.

So what am I supposed to do? What kind of cardio can I stick with? How often, and how long, can I stick with it? Can I do this at all? Do I have the cajones to even give it a fair shot? These are my thoughts. So I ask you, dear reader(s), what are your stories? Do you have words of advice or hilarious anecdotes about your own struggles with health? Let's be motivated together. Or at the very least, you can offer your supportive words while mercilessly making fun of my struggles behind my back. I'll try to keep you updated.